I know this is probably a very controversial blog..and for that I'm sorry. But as this is my diary of sorts ( one that i write very little in )....I just feel the need to get this out there. I am atheist...there I said it. I know in some places and for some people its a very dirty word. I have encountered a negativity about this when I had thought that this was an open world ( yes i know I am naive).
Anyhow, even though I don't believe in a God.....I somehow feel that my Infertility struggles are due to that. And then I start to think I'm crazy. I actually believe that I'm being smite by a God that I don't believe exists?
I'm so confused on everything right now. I just wish I could say, "Ok God....I believe in you now....would you please give me a baby?" But it does not work that way. I can't just force myself to believe because I want to.
Oh what a crappy day...I guess I'm just being all contemplative because yet ANOTHER coworker found out she's pg. I can't believe how many that is now....I feel so depressed today....and I'm out of hot chocolate....